


I’m Okay

by NewtDewt



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: M/M, Mentally Ill Newton, Trans Male Character, not bedsharing but almost, trans newton
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-06-30 22:48:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15761304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NewtDewt/pseuds/NewtDewt
Summary: Newt is okay. Everything is fine, and he’s not in love with Hermann Gottlieb. In fact, he’s the exact opposite. He hates him, and definitely doesn’t dream about his eyelashes, or stay up at night trying to figure out how everything went so wrong. He’s okay, and not in love, and he’s going to be fine sharing a room with Hermann.He’s okay.He’s not okay.





	1. The start of something New(mann)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi I’m gay and trans and I use Newt to cope.  
> Also I’ve never written a fanfic before, so apologies if I suck.  
> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Newt was okay. Giant alien lizards were emerging from the ocean, his six year crush hated his guts, and his left thigh itched like hell, but he was okay. He was breathing, and that was more than most people could say at this point.  
The flight to Hong Kong was uneventful and mostly empty- not a lot of people liked flying these days. Newt didn’t like it much either, but he didn’t have much choice in the matter. Hong Kong needed a biologist, so here he was on a plane to Hong Kong. He wondered-briefly-if Hermann was on a plane to a new shatterdome. Only briefly. Last he heard Hermann was assing it up in Alaska and Newt was fine with that. Really, he had no want to be around Hermann since their meeting three years ago. His body didn’t ache, he hadn’t been checking his email daily for something anything, and he most definitely didn’t dream of Hermann’s absurdly long eyelashes.  
Eventually the plane landed, which Newt was thankful for. He needed a distraction from three year old arguments that kept racing through his head, and the bustle of baggage claim and locating his ride to the ‘dome was perfect. At least, it would’ve been perfect.  
He got his bag with no issue, called someone from Hong Kong’s shatterdome to ask which exit his ride was at, and grabbed a coffee before heading that way. He located his driver quickly, mainly due to the fact that he was holding up a sign that read Dr. Geiszler in bold black letters. He was prepared for a quiet ride to the dome, but the closer he got the more the realization dawned on him that this wasn’t going to happen. Just under his name was a bitterly familiar name, one he’d read at the end of heartfelt letters for three years. Dr. Gottleib. Written just under his name, bold mocking letters that lodged themselves in Newt’s throat.  
Even worse was the tall figure next to his driver. Slender, hunched slightly, and radiating pure irritation in waves so strong that even Newt could sense it. Wonderful.  
“Dr. Geiszler. Late as always.” Hermann’s voice was a knife twisting into Newt’s stomach, but the burn that came with seeing him again was almost worth it. Almost.  
“I’m not late, Hermann, I was avoiding you.” Newt snapped back, taking a swig of his coffee as Hermann sputtered.  
The ride to the shatterdome was a tense sort of quiet. Hermann sat in the front, and Newt sprawled out in the backseat. The radio droned on quietly and none of the three men in the car spoke. Newt felt bad for the driver forced to exist in this situation, though not as bad as he was feeling for himself.  
Once at the ‘dome, Newt was too busy being shoved in every possible direction to feel sorry for himself. Everything was going in one ear and out the other, and he simply followed the intern charged with moving him in wherever she led. Eventually, she led to a bedroom. He barely processed her  
“Sorry you’ll have to share it for a while”  
Before he opened up the door.  
It was a simple room with bare walls and two twin size beds on adjacent walls. Another door in the room led to a bathroom. It was simple, clean, and radiating pure hatred from the bunk on the right side of the room.  
Hermann Gottlieb sat on the bed, arms crossed and face twisted into a look of pure disgust.  
Newt wasn’t okay, and he wasn’t going to be for a while.


	2. Raw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately, he can't forget their first meeting.

Newton set his bags down on his side of the room unable to think of a smart ass comment. He was too busy thinking of every possible excuse to leave the room and never come back, or if he could hide a bed somewhere in the lab, or possibly find a way to stop sleeping altogether. He went a week without sleeping after their first meeting, he could do it again.  
Hermann clearing his throat broke Newt out of his thoughts. He looked up to see the man glaring at him from across the room.  
“Dr. Geiszler, I trust you’ll keep your belongings confined to your side of the room?” Hermann looked over Newton’s things with his nose high in the air. Hermann had the uncanny ability to, with a single glance, make Newton feel like the most disgusting creature to walk the earth. His skin was crawling and his stomach was churning, but he couldn’t let Hermann know how disgustingly affected he was by that look.  
“You should know by now not to trust me.” Newt sneered, dropping his bag in the very center of the room and relishing the way Hermann’s hand twitched around his cane. Would antagonizing Hermann make Newton’s night significantly worse? Yes. Was he going to do it anyways? You bet.  
Hermann let out a loud sigh followed by some low grumbles- was that German?- that left Newton taking a deep breath to stop the shiver running down his spine. He quickly grabbed his bag again and dug out a clean pair of boxer briefs and a loose t-shirt.  
“I’m taking the first shower.” He said, rushing into the bathroom before Hermann could argue. Locking himself in a room where he could sit under hot water and think about everything he’d ever done wrong in his life was all Newt really needed, and if he could run the hot water out and piss Hermann off that was an added bonus.  
His thoughts drifted almost instantly to their first meeting when the water hit his back. Hermann’s raised brow as he looked him over, focusing his glare on Newt’s colorful arms, and the look on his face as Newt got closer. Disappointment. Pure unadulterated disappointment. Newt understood, but it still stung. He was short, chubby, hadn’t shaved for a few days, and he had kaiju permanently decorating his skin. On the flip side Hermann was, honestly, perfect. His skin was perfect smooth porcelain and his lips were a lovely rosy pink that Newton still wanted to kiss even when they curled into a sneer.  
That was their first actual argument- all of their letters before their meeting had been perfectly polite (more than polite at some points). Newton screamed at Hermann until his throat was raw over anything and everything. His tattoos were just fine, no he didn’t need to wear slacks, and he could cuss if he wanted to thank you very much. Newton walked back to his hotel room that night and didn’t sleep, hyper aware of the fact that he was entirely alone.  
There was still a folder on Newt’s computer labelled Herms that had hundreds of emails saved in it. The ones at the end had almost tender words about how excited Hermann was to meet. The very last email wasn’t from Hermann, but a draft that Newton had vowed to work on for months. There was only one line written.  
Unfortunately, I cannot get over you no matter how hard I try.  
A quick, frustrated knocking brought Newton out of his thoughts. He quickly got out of the shower, throwing on a loose tee and pair of sweats before opening up the door.  
Hermann looked angry, as he always did around Newt, and he gripped his cane tightly.  
“I would appreciate if you didn’t use all the hot water, Dr. Geiszler.” He spat.  
“And I would appreciate if you stopped acting like you weren’t my closest friend for five years, but we can’t all have what we want Herms.” Newt spat back, heart clenching almost instantly. He was too raw seeing Hermann again. Every old pain and regret was flooding back into his chest and ripping him apart at the seams.  
No matter how hard I try.  
He pushed past Hermann to walk to his bags, but Hermann followed.  
“I was your closest friend?” His voice seemed loud in the quiet room, but he was barely speaking above a whisper.  
“Unfortunately for me, yes. I…I loved you, you know?” Now seemed like the time to stomp on everything left after their meeting. If he was going to keep hating Hermann, he may as well destroy anything left over from before.  
A hand rested on Newt’s shoulder, making him tense up.  
“You were so much all at once. So brilliant and colorful and loud. It was like looking into the sun.” Hermann’s voice cracked slightly.  
Newton turned to the older man, looking into his eyes.  
“And you hate the sun, right?” He asked, searching desperately for a reason to keep hating him. Anything.  
“No.”  
“No?” Newton stayed tense.  
“No.” Hermann reassured him, taking a step closer.  
Newton’s heart was on the brink of stopping, but at the moment it was racing against his ribs. Hermann was almost looming over him and moving closer to his lips.  
“You’re a pompous idiot.” Newt snapped before surging forward to close the distance. His arms wrapped around Hermann’s waist and he barely heard Hermann’s cane clattering to the floor as he gripped Newton’s face and kissed back.  
Newton had been late for their first meeting. The bus had gotten caught in traffic, and Newton was vibrating out of his skin as they sat entirely still. When he got to the cafe Hermann just looked so angry and disappointed and…well, Newt snapped. He’d been expecting something poetic, romantic, just…more than a man with a raised eyebrow and a sneer saying “Dr. Geiszler, I presume?”  
“Newton?” Hermann pulled away slowly, still gripping his cheeks.  
“Why did you look so disappointed when you met me?” He asked softly.   
“Oh, Newton, how could I be disappointed? I was so nervous and you were late and…I didn’t mean to be so rude. I’m sorry.” He kissed Newton soft and quick after he finished speaking.  
“Me too.” Newt said, kissing back and sighing against Hermann’s lips.  
Newton was still raw, but it was in a good way. He felt okay being raw in Hermann’s hands.


End file.
